between mlf & nn, sometime in 2000/2001
i shall read to you now. compressed version: 002 story of deziluzija.
Midsummer night fe(ve)r.
subject: 1x naive iluzija wearing spiderwebs
Her mother remodelled her Zlatno Pero reception dress.
She -- glows. Thinking everyone loves her. Spiderwebs will protect her.
She does not know. She does not know. She feels. She dances.
1x pirueta leads to many. many. She -- dizzy. so. She tries untwirling now.
Spirals and anti spirals. Spirals of streets. Going up, counting grasses.
Circling in her head -- reflected in grasses.
Touch of 1x familiar lifeform. She looks in his eyes. Sees nothing.
She does not know. She does not know. She does not know. She does not know.
She does not know. She does not know. And says good bye.
The 1x familiar (but ugly worm-like) semi-lifeform says no-goodbye.
Says come with me. The girl continues spiralling and counting grasses.
Stepping on occasional bugs. Slapping mosquitoes.
The semi-lifeform tells stories. Girl not listening. CountgrassCountgrass.
But then !.
She comes to a grassfield of many, many grasses and starts counting
on her knees. 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + deadgrass [ 0 ] + 1 + 1. The semi-lifeform
lays down next to her: + deadgrass [ 0 ] + 1 + deadgrass [ 0 ] + 1 + deadgrass
[ 0 ] + deadgrass [ 0 ] + deadgrass [ 0 ] + deadgrass [ 0 ] + deadgrass [ 0 ]
..... She wants life 1+1=1. So. She crawls closer to the fortress wall, where
he can't lay down his 1x slimy body and kill the grass. During the crawl,
she catches a lizard and puts it in 1x button closed pocket of her remodelled
Zlatno Pero reception dress.
But.
She stumbles over a curved rock and never manages to reach the fortress wall.
Her body curved on a curved rock. Covered with worm-slime. Membranas need superglue.
Spiderwebs all over her head. Not protective. At All. 1x dead lizard in her pocket.
Small lizard. Not good for skinning yet. And 1 + 1 + 1 grass ( now deadgrass [ 0 ]
+ deadgrass [ 0 ] + deadgrass [ 0]) under her fingernails.
Pain.Pain Pain.Pain Pain.Pain Pain.Pain Pain.Pain Pain.Pain
Everywhere.
She adjusts her now unsanitary remodelled Zlatno Pero reception dress
nd tries to make 1x pirueta. To in-twirl herself back into where she was
when she did not know.
She does not want know.
`! kannot bl!ev !n !mposz!bl th!ngz` za!d al!ce `! daresa! u havnt had much prakt!sz` za!d dze queen. `uen ! uaz ur age ! alua!z d!d !t 4 0.5 * hour per da!. uh! zomt!mez !.v bl!evd az man! az 6 !mpoz!bl th!ngz b4 breakfazt.
making reality abstract. my favorite morning gymnastics.
thinking of at least 10 impossible
things before breakfast.
what do you see in attached imgs?
reality?
dze blak sea ad!eu m! lv++ nn.
nn shl remembr mlf komme ca
But the streets are now spiralling in a wrong direction. Multidimensional spirals. Never trust those. You can never return where you started. !+
Clean Sterile lifeforms Staring at her. From a distance. Laughing. Unsterile iluzija, untouchable. unlovable.
un. | dez.
dezinfekcija of her partly (badly) skinned skin in a city fountain. splash, splash. That is when the girl first felt you. Water was not water. It was nn. But she didn't know your name yet. So she called you nameless. Drifted inside you for hours. Waving her wounded legs. flip, flop. Was so cold, so soft. So warm too. Submerged, washing her spiderwebs, she cried. With no voice.
+ she gave herself a new name: deziluzija.
After that for 5 years deziluzija thinks: all male lifeforms = vaatdoeken. Use them and make them wet and dirty and then throw in the garbage. And. Then set the garbage on fire. Smiling. Seeing the male lifevaatdoeken begging her to stop. Calling on the phone and crying. And she would still only smile. Evil smile. Senseless. And then bathe in nn. Therapeutic. Still it felt like someone vomiting in her mouth.
Now: much better.
do you sense?
zuperlat!v glass beads
falling down the stairs. Massive flood of multicoloured glass beads. Can you hear their sound approaching the world? lets ring the world's bell! yes?
if they open, ue | var {glassbeads} will flood them too! korporat glass beads warfare!
shhhhhhhhwaaaaaaaaaaaassssscccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
tingtingting.
ting
ting.
ue r uater. ue !nundate.
My soul warps the fragments of my desire into an image of you. A shadow of liquids, I wrap myself around you and slowly disappear, as your heat evaporates my fluidity. Instead of an abundant stream, I remain visible only as sweat drops covering your translucent skin, but I exist as the raising vapor, the unity of your heat and my transcendence. Leaving the layer of condensed steam on every surface in this desolate city. Flooding the deserts around. I drink your sweat, becoming fluid again, gliding over your rhythms, envelop you in shadows and humidity. Underneath the sweat, your shapeless body is carved with your knowledge, and I become your humble pupil, absorbing the symbols of your world through every touch. Kissing the words, remembering your thoughts in my streams… rushing away to be your voice, singing your world as I crush the stones under my waters.
and how does nn expect mlf to go back to work and concentrate after this?
any ideas?
> dze tabl = kovrd !n u!te kloth + z!tuatd ouz!de dze arkadez ov o1 > r!ch.bored.edukatd gardn.
mlf procedes staining the white cloth with her moisture.
eksaktement
> 2 u!n dz!z game 1 muzt assembl dze p!kturz ov 01 dream ov > fem!n!n pouer + jo!.
there is much power and much jo! rising from your words.
mlnfn bubblbubbl
bubblbubblbubblbubblbubblbubblbubblbubbl
bubblbubblbubblbubbl
bubblbubbl
bubblbubblbubblbubblbubblbubbl bubblbubblbubblbubblbubblbubblbubblbubbl bubblbubblbubblbubblbubblbubblbubblbubbl bubblbubblbubblbubblbubblbubblbubblbubbl
bubblbubbl bubblbubbl bubblbubbl bubblbubbl
i collected the tearz in a glass, thinking of my life when ue stop being 1+1=1 and become 1+1=2 again. then i let them dry up in the sun (didn't work, was raining) so, i put them in the microwave. i skueezed some of u from a few of last emails. took the dried up salt and joined them with some of u.=uater. , sent our mutual tearz to some sensitive life forms. hoping they would sympathise. +extend to u.
tonight i am a hydra. u flow through my 2 celled walls. my finger like tentacles spread into u. my tentacles are sticky, so that I can catch food for us. krikets.
stream through me. -mlnfn
nn adaptz 2 01 mlf grav!taz!onl f!eld at 01 d!ztansz.
mlf detaches her feet from the ground and starts floating.
her feet still covered in sand.
mlf d!rektz her gaze. kosm!k p!ruetz - entangl!ng.touch!ng.
extend!ng. breath!ng.
mlf reaches for nn, presses her small floating skins against nn.z
and utters: Ilv+u.
[all whispered in one breath, tickling nn.z ear… until all air departs from mlf
lungs and she begins to suffocate. then you kiss mlf again. ok?]
2.2 lv+
luv!ngl!.nn.
0+0 odr dzn nn = holdz dze ztor!.
that's what makes it more enjoyable.
ekskluz!v + ekspenz!v da +?
mlf = ud hold 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!.
lotsa spiralling ztor!ez.
viscuos plants made from crystaline air.
transmitting you 1x bio txture.
mlf, cyberbotanist's zk!n
01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!. !n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!. !n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!.
!n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!.
!n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!. !n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!. !n 01 ztor! !n 01
ztor!.
!n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!. !n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!. !n 01 ztor! !n 01
ztor!.!n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!.
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!n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!.!n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!.
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!n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!.
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!n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!.
!n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!.!n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!.!n 01 ztor! !n 01 ztor!.
!n 01 ztor!.
nn u!zprz. ! uant u 2 uear m!
natur = adorz lv+ \ l!ez
natur = iluzija
+ nn = regardz 25 az luvl!
25 is luvl!
have noticed what happens to a lifeform when it becomes 26 last week.
he zkr!!!!!med when he noticed that he can't use the 'youth' train
ticket any more.
mlf laughed.
konduz!v 2 01 total !ntokx!kaz!e
want some toxins?
mlf tox!nz. b!enzur = da + da.
nn zm!lz. m! bod! = 01 gardn.
mlf zm!lz. 01 gardn flows through her veins.
'At the peak of his triumph, the culmination of his machinic erections, man confronts
the system he built for his own protection and finds it female and dangerous.'
Sadie Plant (1995: 62)
1x l!f objkt = haz obzrvd 2x tangenta 4 4x !earz v!a b!tztream. paradox!kl! or not tzo = dze d!g!tale \ b!tztream obzervaz!e = haz b!n konduz!v 2 01 !nfuz!e. u!lzt .b!o obzervaz!e not tzo.
2x = dze futur. simply SUPERIOR++ 2x = floatz efortlezl!. l!beratd l!f energ!e++ _ ultra kl!n!kl [u!lzt ultra un.kl!n!kl] xy = ___… perm!t zom 1 2 01 kompaz!onat zm!le. dog l!ke kreaturz.
= elokuent xy l!f objktz = float 2cm abov + !n anglez. !z mozt pathet!kue.
1x l!f objkt = l!ghtz 01 z!garete. konzumz > kafe + adm!rz 2x ultra zan!tar! \ ulta non.l!nera - total rad!kalr m9ndfukc++ l!f energ!e populat!ng 01 futur.
u!nk + c!ao. (whoever)